BECAUSE WE ALL HAVE NEEDS

Okay so I’d like to think I’m a pretty spontaneous person, but lately I haven’t been so spontaneous-especially when it comes to my sex life. I think having sex regularly is healthy, for the mind and body.

This past year I had to adjust to being newly single, and not having the advantage of having sex whenever I want. After coyote and I broke up, I was pretty fine with not getting laid. As time went on, I ended up seeing a couple guys who I really liked, and as a plus, it was nice to get it in again. But when I think back, I always planned when the next time I was going to get laid. 

For example, through this past summer I started sleeping with one of my friends: tiger shark. We were in the same friend group, and our sex was explosive. So I kind of had the idea in my mind that whenever I went out with that particular group of friends, I’d get laid. This was me planning out my sex life, and being completely okay with it.

Well in recent months, tiger shark moved two hours away from me. This caused a slight problem: how the heck was I supposed to plan out my sex life now?!

So last week I was drinking at a bar with a couple friends. We had a great time, and once I got home I sat in my room by myself chatting with a girlfriend on facebook. I was so horny I could not contain myself.

Sure, for many, this is a time when masturbation comes in handy… problem for me is that I’ve never EVER tried this. I just don’t think I could bring myself to do it. I need connection, and for this reason, I don’t think I’ll ever touch myself for pleasure.

So I thought about the past guys I’ve slept with, and if any of them were conveniently around. None. Hmm… maybe it’s time to branch out, try someone new. 

I had the perfect guy in mind: panther. I met panther a couple years prior, and always thought he was an absolute babe. He’s tall, and exotic… and I could just tell he’d be worth my while. Lucky for me, panther goes to my school, and although we don’t see each other around too often, it was pretty much understood that we would hook up some day. And today was that day. 

So I sent him a text and asked if he was around during our reading break. He was.

I implied that I was pretty bored, and in need of some company for drinks. He invited me over to have a couple with him and his room mate. I hesitated, but as I looked at the time, I realized I only had 30 minutes to get to the liquor store for a little liquid courage. Oh my god amber, this is really happening. You’re rushing to get dressed and look cute… and you are going to get laid tonight. Hallelujah. 

Once I got to his place, the three of us just drank, talked and relaxed. What the hell is taking so long, why are we just small talking out here, I mean come on, I thought we were on the same page here… hmmm I guess I’ll wait it out. 

It was nearing 2:30 am, and finally we all headed to sleep. I pulled the whole “so I’ve had a couple drinks… you mind if I crash with you, I don’t think I should drive.”

As we enter his room, he gives me some comfy clothes to wear and we head to his bed. It’s tense, but the flirtation starts and I’m laying on his chest. We’re joking around and then we start to make out.

His lips were perfect, and quickly, he begins to take control. His strong arms position me the way he wants, we’re aggressively making out. I bite his lip. He rubs up against me. Just thinking about his stiff boner moving closer and closer to me is making my heart race.

I loved how in control he was. I’ve never been with a guys who took so much control in moving me around. I was so ready for this, and then we started to fuck.

He completely dominated me, and as it began to slow down, I moved down and began to give him oral. After I finished we layed down for a bit, it was late and we both began to pass out.

But he wasn’t done yet, he started to touch me. I was so wet. We went for it again, and this time I orgasmed immediately.

So now it’s understood, we are going to continue to call upon each other when we want to get it on. Success. My spontaneous booty call resulted in the perfect answer to my constant sexual question. Awh yeah, I can have sex whenever I want to again. 

about wanting to sleep with someone purely because I wasn’t supposed to.

and there was this nagging in my head, this churning in my stomach, telling me that it was the complete and total wrong thing to do,

but I wanted it — soo badly — anyway.

I would do anything I could to have it. and right when I was wet and couldn’t take it anymore, and I was ready, and we were finally about to, even though it felt so wrong,

I woke up.

sigh

So anteater was one of my first big crushes in high school. I was completely infatuated. I met him in my grade 10 math class, and I looked forward to that class just so I could try and get my flirt on (I was kind of an awkward nerd back in the day). So rumors circled that he might have had a crush on me too… oh my gosh hooray!… but nothing ever happened, besides some really sexual grinding at my first high school dance (remind me to discuss this later, it totally forshadowed my inner sexual being to come). 

Sighs, so nothing ever really started between us, although he did write in my year book “you were the only reason I came to math class.” That’s sweet right? 

So as summer started, I started to see this guy in the grade above, scorpion, my first serious boyfriend, my first love, my first everything. Safe to say, anteater was thrown on the back burner. I was over him. Besides, he turned out to be a complete idiot who skipped school and delved into the world of smoking and getting high (something I have never done before, am slightly against, and proud of it!).

So as scorpion and I developed a serious relationship, anteater tried to weasel his way back into my life. What started with casual flirting, turned into something far worse. 

One night it was a friend’s birthday scorpion and I went, as well as a bunch of our other friends, including anteater. Everyone was drinking and having a great time. At one point, I was outside with anteater and a few other friends, and I noticed he was getting a little too drunk. He was falling around everywhere, so I ran inside to grab him some water. Then I walked him inside, and set him on the couch. He past right out, and the rest of us continued to party. 

Scorpion went home with his friends, and I planned on staying the night with the rest of my friends. As we were all picking places to crash, I shottied the couch across from the one anteater past out on. However… when I got back from washing up some jerkoff took it upon himself to jack my spot. The only spot left was on the couch with anteater. 

It was innocent and all… my best friend was on one side, and anteater on the other. So I sandwiched myself in the middle and used anteater as a pillow. As everyone was falling asleep, anteater began to fidget. He was awake. 

I could feel his hand sliding down my stomach, and under my jeans. Then, under my lace thong. He turned to me and we started to kiss. After about 5 seconds I stopped. What was I thinking?! I had been dating scorpion for 9 months. Amber, you’re in love with scorpion, stop right now!! 

“I can’t do this,” I said, staring out the window as the sun started to rise.

“No one has to know,” he said as his hand reached further down my pants. 

We stopped making out… but I couldn’t help but let him touch me. I moved his hand further, guiding him to the right place. As much as I didn’t want to do this, part of me lusted for his attention. 

As people started to wake up, he continued you touch me underneath the blanket. The day went on, and a part of me felt awful. I called scorpion and told him that anteater was coming on to me, and meanwhile, anteater was telling all his friends how we hooked up. It was a story of he-said, she-said, and I gotta say, I was pretty good at playing the victim. Scorpion was furious, but through many tears and arguing, he forgave and believed my story… and our relationship continued. This was the turning point though. From that day forward things were never the same. He had lost some trust in me, and I had lost faith in myself and the relationship. Is this what I really wanted? I was crazy in love with scorpion, but part of me just wasn’t ready to commit.

To this day I still don’t completely know why that fateful night played out the way it did. I really did love scorpion. I loved him more than any other guy I’ve dated since then. But it was a different kind of love. It was passionate, and vengeful. He made me insane. I was crazy in love with him, but foolishly. I’m not proud of the first time I cheated, but it feels good to write about it here and get it off my chest. The story between scorpion and I has come to a close, but I think that anteater and I still have some unfinished business to take care of. 

I was 17 when this happened. I’m almost 21 now and I’ve grown a lot. We always learn from our mistakes, and I learned a lot from this one. In a future story… I will tell you exactly how I learned from this one—as 5 months after this incident another similar night with anteater helped me decide the fate of my relationship with scorpion. Except this time I didn’t cheat—the urge and temptation was enough for me to realize that I had fallen out of love with him, I needed to be free.  

Source: oopswediditagain

I can not stop thinking about this Thursday. It’s two of our good friends’ birthdays, one of them being Ruby’s current/former fuck buddy: chimp. We’re all going out to a club in our city, but unfortunately for me it will also involve a few blasts from the past: anteater and meerkat.

Anteater is a tall, oafy looking guy that is slightly good looking depending on who you ask. I always found him extremely attractive in high school, but now I’m kind of repulsed by him. We have an extremely long history.

In grade 10 I had the biggest crush on him, and rumor has it that he had a crush on me too. It was in this year we had our first dance, and our first kiss. But nothing ever really developed. 

In grade 11 I was in a relationship with scorpion, a long time friend of anteater’s. Anteater caused a lot of tension between scorpion and I, and eventually made me fall completely out of love with him. 

In grade 12 I was newly single, and anteater was the first person I hooked up with after the break up with scorpion. This did not sit well with scorpion, and to this day he hates me because of it. Anteater and I hooked up throughout grade 12, in between our separate relationships with other people, but this relationship of ours had no answers. I never knew what we were, or how we really felt about each other. Sometimes I thought maybe he liked me… and sometimes I thought I liked him. All in all, we were fuck buddies, and when we graduated we had one last shibang, and it was over. He went travelling for four months, while I moved to another city for university.

In the first half of my 1st year at university I slept with one of anteater’s closest friends who I had class with: meerkat. I don’t know why I did this, probably to get his heart racing. I hoped that maybe this would make him jealous, or maybe I just wanted him to think about me, good thoughts or bad. 

Half way through 1st year university anteater moved to my school. This was a complete shock. No one from my highschool went to this university, except for my best friend and I. Now we had company. I never really saw him in first year, I even deleted him off my facebook.

In second year I don’t recall seeing him at all. No, come to think of it… I don’t think I ever once saw him.

And now I’m in my third year. I see him at clubs a lot, and every time we walk on past each other as if we’re strangers. There is one time I ran into him and we talked, and I pulled the best revenge prank on him ever, but that story, along with many others about anteater will have to wait for another time. 

Point is the tension between anteater and I is so intense that I don’t know what will happen when we see each other on Thursday. I haven’t slept with him in almost three years. I wonder, would it be a good idea to just fuck and get it over with? Or should I stay strong and continue living a separate life from him? I don’t want him to think I’m some easy piece of ass that he can get whenever he wants, but heck, I think I’d be healthy for both of us to just release the hormones and be done with it. 

On top of that, meerkat will be there too… and the last time I ran into both of them, meerkat drunkenly told me to “take care of this guy.”

You know what, maybe I should sleep with him… I mean, I’m a fucking catch. I’m a genuine girl, I’m caring, I’d like to think I’m a babe, and I have amazing grades and ambitions and dreams of law school. Yeah, I’m not just a crazy sexual university student, I’m human.  

having sex with a friend (chimp) was going well for me, as mentioned in part one (see a couple of entries back); the only issue I had was the feeling of withdrawal during the week, before the weekends when we would have sex. I wanted to have sex with him during the week. well, actually, I wanted to fuck him five times a day alldayeverydayallnighteverynight. I wanted to fuck him in the library on campus, I wanted to fuck him in a public bathroom, I wanted to fuck him in every position imaginable. just knowing that there was someone there that I could have that great of sex with made me consistently and permanently hot and bothered.

I really wanted to be able to text him during the week, soberly, and just have sex with him. but we hadn’t talked about that. and every time I saw him sober during the week, which is quite a lot on campus, I was just trying to make it through the conversation without blurting out something like “OH HI WE HAD HOT WET HARD AMAZING EXPLOSIVE PERFECT ORGASMIC SEX, HOW ARE YOU ON THIS FINE DAY?!”

things got a little bit complicated at a tailgate party when I didn’t speak to him at all. I just got so legitimately hot and bothered around him that I didn’t even want to talk to him. it was like I could burst into a million horny pieces if we even stood there and had to make eye contact for small talk. that night, though, we texted like normal, and he told me to come to their afterparty. I didn’t go, because I’d been drinking all day and was too wrecked from vodka and redbull since 11 am.

so I didn’t show, and we went a few days without talking.

come the next week, there was a show some friends and me were going to, and I didn’t think that chimp would be going…which was silly of me, seeing as one of his roomies/best friends was going and I knew that.

I got five-alarm drunk and talked to one of my close guy friends about him. I told him, “I want to sleep with him more often, like during the week, but I’m not sure how to talk to him about it I guess.”

“he’s going to be there tonight, ruby,” my guy friend said, “I can talk to him for you if you want.”

the room was spinning a little. fuck. he was going to be there? NO ONE TOLD ME THIS? AND NOW I’M ALREADY DRUNK? THE PREGAME IS ALMOST OVER. IT’S ALMOST TIME TO GO AND I AM HAMMER GIRL WASTED.

at the show, I ended up explaining to chimp that it was paaainful to be around him because I get instantly wet just from looking at him, and having to be around him is sexual torture when I’m not having sex with him. despite this invitation, he was weird to me the rest of the night (later to be explained to me, by him, as “playing hard to get.” UM WTF since when do you play games with a fuck buddy? THERE IS NO ROOM FOR GAMES IN SEXUAL CAMARADERIE, BRO)….

by the time I left I was furious. I put myself out there and had been drowning all week in desire over this douche, and he just goes and, you know, acts like a big dumb dick, like the show was actually interesting enough that no effort be laid down for a foundation to get …laid down later on.

I think he could sense that my immature anger of him not throwing himself at me the next time we all went out with our group of friends, because we avoided each other for most of the night, and when I think he tried to come over to me, I started dancing with one of his friends (but comeee onnnn, dancing is harmless and I didn’t even really realize he was coming in my direction…)

he ended up hitting on an acquaintanceship/somewhat friend of mine. like in some unrealistic movie, I walked into the room RIGHT as he kissed her. and apparently that’s all they did, but of course, like in some bad movie, I stopped dead in my tracks like oh shit please don’t see me standing right here at this exact worst moment, went and grabbed Amber, and we left. I was pissed. like, okay, now when I don’t throw myself at you, you act with immature vengeance? come on buddy. he is so obsessed with his own pride, it’s sick.

I’m done, I’m done, I’m done, I drunkenly told myself, and Amber. Never-a-fucking-gain.

If I hadn’t have been so wasted, maybe I wouldn’t have been so angry. I mean, after all, there were no feelings involved, and there had been no exclusive agreement. I guess I just expected him to come to me before trying out something new at the same event I was at; we both agreed that our sex together is amazing. and I was there. I would have said yes, yes, yesyesyesyes.

but instead the only thing I got in my mouth that night was a piece of pizza, and the only person who got into my bed was Amber, who soothed me to sleep with kind words, trying to defuse all my drunken rage turned sadness over the situation.

I was done with chimp, I told myself.

…oh, but I was so not done.

this had to stop, I told myself; if I slept with him again, I had the feeling it would begin to become more and more of a sick game. an endless invasion of our egos, a constant silent yelling match about who cared less.

I should have listened to my gut instead of my future hormones.

but more on that later.

(to be continued)

regards,

ruby.

read our glossary!

I’ll try to keep this post short… although I could probably go on forever about giraffe because it was all so recent. 

I never had sex with giraffe, but slept together we have. We became the best of friends this past summer and sadly, as the school year began, I fell for him.

I’ve never fallen for a friend before, so this caught me completely off-guard. I didn’t know how to handle it: Do we start dating? Or do we start hooking up? Or maybe he doesn’t even like me… or do I even really like him? And most importantly, will this ruin our friendship? 

It did. At this very moment, I don’t know what we are. We recently got into a huge fight over me supposedly trying to ruin his friendship with his ex-girlfriend. Bleh, I’ll save that drama for another time though.

Anyways, giraffe is a total geek. He’s tall and not your typical oh-my-gosh-he’s-so-hot-i-want-to-bang-him kind of guy… but he sure strikes me as sexy. We got along so well, and I could go to him for just about anything. He was there to listen when I was upset, he was there for me massaging my head when I had migraines, and he was even there for me holding my hair back when I was puking in the bathroom after a night out drinking. Fuck… talking about him is just bringing up so many memories of what a good friend he was. 

But what probably made this potential relationship destined for failure was the fact that he A: caught my walk of shame home from baby deer’s house, B: despised tiger shark, my summer fling, and C: listened to me gush about the juicy details with my first lesbian experience with possum (however, this might have enticed him). 

Point is falling for a friend sucks. Looking back, I don’t know how I ever expected him to forget all the things that happened before I started to fall for him. He always said he felt like a second option. But giraffe, you weren’t my second option, you weren’t an option at all. Options are choices, but I never chose to fall for you… my heart decided that for me.

With sea otter, we had sexual tension from the start. The first time I laid eyes on him he was in line at a food court. We locked eyes… and I was on my way. Long story short, he turned out to be a mutual friend and from then on it was just accepted that we would bang some day. 

From a classy meeting at a tacky mall food court to a night on the town months later… this was it: I was going to get with sea otter.

He was more than a pretty face and a hot body though, we had a lot in common, and if it weren’t for the distance, maybe something could have worked out?

Anyways, so he came to stay at a hotel in my city and me and a girlfriend went to pre drink with him and his friend. Sea otter was lookin’ fine that night, and I was getting wasted.

I usually control my alcohol consumption, but this night was an exception. I had only ever talked to him via texting and facebook, so I thought a little liquid courage would make the world go round (bad idea, you’ll soon find out why).

So the four of us make it to the club, we’re dancing, I’m drinking, we’re making out, I’m drinking, we’re on our way out… oh… I get one more drink.

Notice how sea otter never drank in that span of time? Oh yeah, ‘CAUSE HE DOESN’T DRINK.

So I’m absolutely shittered, and he’s walking me to the hotel. Despite the fact that I was absolutely wasted, I knew what I wanted: his dick.

We don’t waste time. Elevator make out sesh: check. Sloppy make out in front of our room: check (though this part is still fuzzy). Now we’re making out in his hotel room, things were gettin’ heated… and I had the spins.

So he’s sober, and I’m absolutely shit-faced… So I thought I’d go down and do what I do best: head.

Unfortunately, he was particularly easy to deep throat (if you catch my drift). I’m going all out here… poor guy almost came I was so good. He was enjoying every second of it, as for myself… well… there was a moment when I couldn’t hold it in. I full-on vomited on his dick.

LUCKILY, he was so into it… he didn’t notice. I was able to suck back all that tequila-vodka-151 and slyly continue on.

“Uhm… gimme one second.”

I headed to the bathroom to let that vile mixture out… and man did I let it out.

Back to the bed, I gave him more head, and then decided it was time to excuse myself. Sorry sea otter, the smack down is not going down tonight.

Like a gentleman, he walks me to a cab, pays for it, and sends me on my way… and like a gentleman he called me the next morning to make sure I was up in time for my first shift at work.

I wasn’t. Worst hangover ever. Did I really vomit on a guy’s dick last night? 

so at the end of this summer, I was fresh off of having a sort of non-exclusive relationship with a boy I’ve known/liked for years (one of the only boys I’ve ever really liked). I’ll think of a name for him later, I won’t be seeing him until this christmas again when he comes back from the other side of the country.

he had just left to do his masters degree, and I was feeling confident and detached. I’m good at willing away my feelings. it’s actually kind of sad. I had done summer courses here with Amber, but many of our friends had left for the four-month summer break and were now finally returning for school.

there was a big concert us and all of our friends were going to in the first week of september, and I saw our friend chimp there for the first time since before summer. he was on MDMA and I was drinking, rather heavily. we gave each other a hugeee hug and I complimented him on how good he looked.

somehow this turned into me being even bolder than usual and telling him that we would have “explosive” sex if we ever slept together. I didn’t really remember saying it, but he made sure to retell that part a few times in the next few weeks.

we spent a lot of the concert teasing each other. he’s better at it. he lives for building sexual tension. I was gonna lose it. there was an issue that we both had in mind: I’m best friends with his roommate. and his roommate will always have feelings for me in at least a small way. let’s call him teddy bear. not a real animal like the rest, but he deserves a name like that because he’s my best friend and whatever he’s great hahha.

chimp started saying how we shouldn’t do it to teddy. I pushed him down onto a booth in a seating area of the venue and climbed on top of him. “you need to stop,” he said, “you don’t even know the things I want to do to you right now. but we can’t.”

UGHHJAH please as if that’s gonna make me walk away.

he ended up going up to teddy, explaining the situation, and asking his permission to sleep with me. teddy gave him some small speech, but said yes.

chimp and me cabbed with Amber to our house, and me and him made our way downstairs to my room. 

it was. amazing. we were already so turned on that we needed very minimal foreplay the first time. it’s like he was designed for me, sexually. the sex was actually just perfect. we had so much fun. he’s so powerful (HIS BICEPS ARE OUT OF THIS WORLD realz), and yet I loved being on top and taking control, too. I think he was the first person I’ve actually just 100 percent enjoyed being on top with. 

we had sex three times that night and showered together. we went for a random walk at 4am together as he felt like he was coming down off of M.

we agreed that the sex was too good not to do it again, and that we are both not relationship people.

perfect, I thought, this should be easy.

of course I was wrong. but we’ll get to that.

the next time we saw each other was a few nights later for another friend-group outing. I saw him and gave him a hug, even though things felt sliiightly awkward. at the show, we barely hung out, but when we did, there was the presence of a wordless agreement that tonight we’d definitely do it again. at one point a guy I’d slept with months before (we’ll call him hyena..that’s a good story) was following me around, but I was over it, so I went over to chimp, and said “can you do something about this?”

so he pinned me to the wall and kissed me. hyena left. I said thank you, and kept dancing with all of our friends.

at the end of the night we stood outside, and teddy went “chimp, come on man, let’s cab home?”

chimp made up an excuse that he was waiting for their other roommate. I was standing next to him… so it looked a little obvious. but we knew we should be stealth. we decided we would actually wait for his roomie.

but then, as we were waiting for him, he looked at my face, and I smirked, I was so excited we were going to sleep together again….”okay, we’re leaving. right now.”

we cabbed home and flirted intensely to the point that I knew the cab driver absolutely hated us. “so, race when we get back for who can undress the fastest?” he was saying to me, and I told him I’d probably win.

when we got outside his house, he’s like “okay, so now we’re climbing through my window and sneaking in, think you can fit through there?” he pointed as his window.

“UM, yes! I live to climb shit.” I exclaimed. (What? I love climbing stuff. I’m a kid at heart.)

“ruby, I was kidding.” he said, “I’m going to go through the back door, check if the coast is clear, then come back and get you.”

as soon as he went around the corner, I legit climbed on the wall, squeezed through the window onto his bed (practically cave myself a concussion by hitting my head during), and started undressing as fast as I could. I took off my high waisted skirt, ripped off my crop top that had been tucked into it, stripped off my underwear and unbuttoned my corsette bra. then I extended my body out on the bed and waited.

he came in, turned on the light, saw me, and almost jumped back. “holy shit, you’re…”

“I win.” I shrugged.

“wow. okay. you’re naked. that’s…awesome.”

and he came and wrapped me up in those amazing arms and we started making out. we had sex four times that night. we’d lay there, exhausted once we were done. and then we’d talk for a bit…and sure enough, we were ready to go again. the second time he actually lifted me up, so we were fucking with him standing up and my legs wrapped around him. I couldn’t believe how strong and sexy he was in that moment. the fourth time, we heard someone walking around downstairs.

“is someone there?” I asked,

“naw, naw it’s fine.” he said, “but maybe..maybe you could be a bit quieter.”

“I’ll tryy.” I couldn’t contain myself. it was just so good. he knew it, too. as much as he didn’t want to disturb his roommates, he would go from behind and thrust in, noticing the gasps I couldn’t help but let out and he’d go harder… I could tell he was loving it. I got louder and louder, but it was still quieter than I could have been, that’s for sure.

in the morning, after a couple hours of sleep, his door opened and I slid under the blanket to hide.

I heard the voice of one of his five roommates.

“hey man I, ohh—-” insert pause here for the person to notice that I was there, a lump in the blanket; I couldn’t recognize the voice yet.

“hey,” chimp replied, and I could hear his sheepish smile in his voice.

“you uhhh.. you goin to school?”

“doesn’t look like it man,” chimp laughed.

“alright well uh. keep on truckin’ bro,” and his roomie left. turns out it was one of his roommates that I am also quite close with. two minutes later, the door swung open again. I hid, but my toe was sticking out this time.

I heard teddy’s voice,

“hey…oh shit, do you.. have a girl in here?”

“no man,” chimp answered, “it’s uh, just me.”

MY. TOE. WAS. STICKING. OUT.

I can hear teddy SIT THE FUCK DOWN and proceed to make conversation with him about school, his classes, how his night was. is this real life? I was laughing to myself under the blanket almost blatantly. I knew teddy was just trying to figure out if it was me again or not. he finally left the room and I emerged into fresh air at last.

“I wanted to give you head, so what am I supposed to do now?” I asked chimp, “are they just gonna walk in one by one now, the other three of them?”

“yep, probably.”

“well then, what am I supposed to do?”

“give em a show.” he joked. I started giving him head, which turned into amazing morning sex.

he kissed me goodbye and I went home to spill to Amber about how amazing it was.

this is going to be fucking great, I thought to myself, we can just sleep together with no strings attached and keep having fun. nothing can go wrong here.

was I ever in for a ride.

( to be continued.)

regards,

ruby.

by the title, I bet what is to be expected is an entry about some crazy, wild, raging sexual experiences, filled with random equipment and in-depth descriptions of every dirrrty detail.

but this is a little bit different.

it’s about a date.

yeah, that’s new to me.

as aforementioned, I am not a relationship person. I truly mean this. it’s not “grrrl omg i dun need a mannn, now lemma go drank alone in the bathroom and cry omg HASHTAG: FOREVER ALONE~” …. no. I value my independence, and have experienced a long term relationship and many variations of other forms of informal relationships, and I just can’t do it at this point in my life. I don’t get attached, and I’m sober and realistic about love (do I scream child-of-divorce? because I am one). I’m 20. I’m young. right now, like drake, I’m doin’ me. figuratively speaking of course. that’s the way I’ve always thought.

but then, I have this guy friend. let’s call him sugar glider. sugar glider and I have been friends for a couple of years, and an old friend of his from high school joined university late and moved in with him. I met said friend of sugar glider’s this august, briefly; let’s call him panda bear. I didn’t think too much of him at first.

then, so far in this academic year, panda bear and I have had increasing sexual tension. I don’t think it’s ever been so blatant with a person in my life. we will be sober, standing in a hallway on campus after having just bumped into each other.. and it’s this force. intense, locked eye contact. it’s how we invade each other’s space. it’s just undeniable in every sense.

and this year, we’d go out with our friends and we could never really keep our hands off of each other— and yet we wouldn’t hook up. as much as I couldn’t deny my attraction to him, I was mostly content with my situation with my (somewhat on-and-off) friends-with-benefits — who we shall refer to as chimp. am I confusing you yet with all the names? :/ more on chimp later — that’s a collection of stories leading up to a much wilder conclusion than this one.

anyway, I never slept with panda bear, even though we came soclose and made out once on the dance floor before I ran away drunkenly. somewhere along the way, this funny thing happened; we got to know each other. if we are going to hook up at this point, I told myself, I just have this feeling it’s going to be in a more serious situation.

and sure enough, last weekend Amber and myself threw a party — and panda bear asked me on a date.

so, I did something very unlike me last night, and went on said date. a DATE. me. I don’t even know.

and it was easy. it was nice. it was fun. he behaved like a gentleman if I ever knew one. and we talked, and talked and talked and talked. one thing about me, I just about never shut up. but I love getting other people to talk, especially about what makes them tick, what their dreams are, what they’re into, how they see the world, etc. so, someone as talkative and curious as panda bear is a good “match” for me, conversationally.

in the middle of our date, our lovely monthly-friend paid me a visit. I think you get what I’m saying.

but panda bear is so sexy. he’s sexy because of everything that he is, but also, I mean, the guy is VERY easy-on-the-eyes. and muscular. and rugged handsome. okay, stop me, I’m gonna float off into fantasyland in my mind.

I wanted to see his and sugar glider’s place after all the drinking and talking for hours then walking around downtown (he gave me his jacket and made sure to walk on the outside of me at all time - wtf chivalry EXISTS?). when we got to the door of his apartment, he stopped me, leaned in, and I rested against the wall. he’s a good kisser. knows what he’s doing.

we got inside, watched some youtube videos of kittens and then started making out. (sugar glider had just gone to bed, so we didn’t get to say hi)

ruby, remember..your monthly fucking “gift,” don’t be stupid here… I had to tell myself, don’t let this go too far and then have to stop and say — but okay, teeennn more minutes.

we moved to his bedroom. ruby, what are you doing? hands gliding over each other’s bodies, lips locking and smiling and laughing in between. everything felt natural, easy. but ruby, remember… SHUT UP BRAIN!!

“okay,” I stopped, as I was straddling him, still fully clothed. I started pulling his pants down, “only doing things to you. you’re not doing anything to me.”

“you…have your period, don’t you?” he asked,

“yep.”

“you don’t need to, I mean we can just go to bed if you want, keep talking or whatever, I’m good with anything.”

pfft as if I’m gonna let a guy as nice as this off that easy.

I took him into my mouth. he is a nice size; I was pleased. and after licking everywhere, I took him all the way in. I could feel it pushing deep within my throat, as deep as I could make it, over and over again. he was pleasantly surprised and vocalized his opinion on my ..abilities. he tried to touch me more, but I kept reminding him.

“over the panties,” he said, as he began stroking my clit over my lacy thong. now, usually this is kind of pointless. I’m pretty weird: I usually only get off on penetration. but somehow, he did it for me. my feet went numb.

I made him cum and swallowed it back, making sure to get every bit in my mouth. and there we were, relaxed and laying together, ready for sweet slumber.

in the morning we kissed a lot, he made me breakfast, we hung out with sugar glider in their living room and they played guitar for me (swoonsville). the only thing that weirds me out is their friendship; they’re a little too close. I know that panda bear is very sexually open, and I have been subjected to an odd love-triangle before where the two guys were hooking up and I didn’t know. so I’ll keep that in mind. maybe I’m paranoid, but maybe I’m on to something.

panda bear drove me home and walked me to the door step. “do this again sometime?” he said, and I nodded, and we kissed, which turned into a lot more kissing, until he finally drove off.

I know that this thing with panda bear could actually turn into something “real.”

but I know myself, and I know that I’m such a commitment-phobe, and am so used to being on my own and being so free, that I could really mess this up. and there’s still a lingering situation with my former friends-with-benefits chimp — and uh, one of his friends. but we’ll get to that. hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing it.

regards,

ruby.

My first love, my first lover: scorpion. Something about him was so fierce, so alive, so attractive. Our chemistry was unreal… and when we finally managed to get past those first few awkward attempts at intercourse, the sex was unreal (I will definitely be saving my losing of the virginity in a ditch story for another time, fucking scorpion). 

Anyways… for this entry, I think I will just talk about how intense and amazing it was… or maybe not, I’m getting horny just thinking about it. TMI TMI TMI.

Okay, so maybe I won’t go into too much detail here. This is just an introduction to the boy that took my virginity and stole my heart. It’s been about three years since we’ve broken up… and to this day, I’m sure that he still hates me. He hates me for humiliating him, for moving on so quickly. He hates me for devouring his pride, but mostly… i hope, for breaking his heart. 

He could fuck me hard, he could fuck me slow. He could be rough, and he could be oh so gentle. The way his biceps held me, the way his fingers made me squirm. It didn’t matter where we were, we’d do it. Ditch, picnic bench, backseat, frontseat, bridge, trampoline, sleeping bag, bathroom counter, playground, swimming pool, forest, hilltop… need I say more? 

Fuck he was good in bed. Oh how I wish we could fuck one more time… or, correction, make love one more time. Fucking scorpion.

So there was this bartender. He was smoking hot, and as much as I don’t like to contribute to the double standard of objectifying men… he was the definition of a juicy piece of meat. I mean… he had it all. Tall, dark (although probably guilty of fake tanning), and handsome. He was buff, had perfect hair (maybe too perfect) and green eyes that could make any girl melt. 

So there he was, a too good to be true, real life greek god, but in bed… he was a deer in headlights. It didn’t help that he was… well… you know, “small,” but he was definitely one of those “making love” kind of guys. I’m sorry… but since when did it become okay for some sexy ass bartender who picks me up at a bar to give it to me like a Boyz II Men song? I mean… COME ON. I just wanted to fuck!

Don’t get me wrong, I love a good “making love” kind of night when it’s with a guy, who you know, I’M IN LOVE WITH, but with this doofus I barely know? Disappointing to say the least. 

So I call him baby deer. He was so pretty… so mysterious and sexy. But boy did I have my work cut out for me. Luckily… it got better in our meetings to come. But that’s baby deer for you. Probably one of the hottest guys I will write about in entries to come.  

Hi I’m Amber. I consider myself a intelligent and well rounded individual. I’m rather introvert, and never enjoyed that great of a social life… until university. It was here that I met Ruby. At first meeting we couldn’t have been more opposite: she was the outgoing, charismatic social butterfly who cruised through high school, and me the shy, uptight homebody that detested every minute of it. However, when we got to talking we realized we had a whole lot in common which inevitably led to a blossoming friendship. 

Besides our love of books, politics, sushi, animals, writing, wine, online shopping, astrology, jogging, travel and embarrassing camera self-takes… we both love sex. 

Who doesn’t love sex though right? Thing about us is, we talk about it openly, honestly and completely uncensored. While others might cringe at our graphic oral-giving stories… we listen, relate and commend one another. We just get it. We get that sex is an important aspect of human nature, and we have no problem expressing this. 

Read our sex revelations with caution, and a few grains of salt. We are strong and very real women conveying real stories without shame. 

No we are not sluts, we are just two university students who are confident enough in our own skins to talk about the adventures and mis-adventures of our wild, erotic and fulfilling sex lives.

warning: procede this blog with caution

when I met Amber on campus at our university, we connected right away. alike in many ways, we both have similar views about many things in life — including sex. with each other, we are both very candid, very open, and very uncensored. we have had close friends overhear our conversations and get uncomfortable or freaked out. we don’t feel ashamed that we enjoy sex. women are allowed to enjoy all the pleasures of the erotic world, and we embrace it. I would never refer to Amber or myself as a “slut.” that’s an ugly and hateful word, and doesn’t belong to strong women with (mostly) good intentions. we are real girls with real thoughts, real feelings, real beliefs, and — sometimes to our frustration — real, ragin’ hormones. 

as for my so-called “love” life, I’m not a relationship person at all; I enjoy my freedom and independence way too much. my longest relationship was completely unenjoyable emotionally; the sex was the only thing that dragged me back every time, unfortunately. more on that later. for now, let’s call him vulture for now. if you remember for later, good. if not, don’t worry, I will remind you.

things that I will not need to remind you of eventually are my sexual tendencies. you will find that Amber shares many of the traits and tendencies I’m about to associate with myself: I can be sadistic, I am open to trying pretty much anything if it feels right, I do happen to enjoy giving oral a lot, and I definitely get some random girl crushes — but I haven’t really acted on them.

this blog is going to be uncensored and brutally honest. I’m always writing all over everything, all the time. I am an incessant journal-er; my thoughts leak out all over my notes in class, seep out through the notepad function in my phone, or get poured out into my actual, jam-packed journal. I know that this blog will receive judgment, but it’s nice for me to have my writing read at all, even if it is only specific to this kind of content. and I think it will be a fun outlet. I am naturally curious about all the wonders of the world, so for anyone else who likes a some “TMI” infused blogging, keep reading! 

xoxo gossip girl.

just kidding.

regards,

ruby.